Ray Bradbury: "Find a character, like yourself, who will want something or not want something, with all his heart. Give him running orders. Shoot him off. Then follow as fast as you can go.”
Love this straight-from-the-heart stuff.
It reminds me of this screenshot of one of my old notes (which is now sitting in one of my substack drafts as part of a post on reflection). I made the photo 3+ years ago (including the reminder to myself to read it every day) but had forgotten about it. You've probably heard it somewhere once:
(Here's the text if the link doesn't work)
'Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are
powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens
us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does
not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other
people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not iust in
some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously
give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own
fear, our presence automatically liberates others.'
I never thought about it that way before, but the point about trusting your future self is bang on. I'm on the cusp of diving into something new and this is a huge part of what scares me about it. I can sit here and say that it's exciting and I'm passionate about it and imagine all the interesting stuff there is to do... but then there's this serious lack of trust that my future self can be trusted to carry out my plans. And when I look at my failed projects in the past, that's largely what it looks like. Not so much unanticipated things that turned out harder than expected, but simply future self not going along with the plan.
I'd been telling myself I was hesitant because of not wanting to waste money on equipment that ends up being used only briefly, but really that's not it. It's more that I'm afraid of disappointing my past self. Of staring every day at equipment going unused, and knowing that I let the "team" down.
"I hear all the time from people commiserating about how they start projects without finishing them." I find this one interesting, because maybe people are feeling like this is a failure; but truly, if they had felt called to do the thing, they would have done it. So maybe the sin here is imposing self-prescribed "shoulds" (eg. projects) & not realizing that when these slip away into "another undone project", that was an indicator of them following the wrong path (in that context; as per their own actions).
Hey wow, you inspired me to write a response!
I noticed I also felt this way:
> Like, imagine being me. I have this guy, Andrew, that so many people praise as a really fun and clever guy to work with. And yet I hardly let Andrew work with me at all. It’s like I put him on the bench instead of allowing him to do what he’s naturally good at. Why do I do this?
(modified slightly to reflect my feelings more directly)
So I decided to do parts work on it, and it turns out I'm actually really excited to work with myself, I just... never thought to ask before... lmfao.
It almost feels too silly to be true, but now I'm doing the sort of project management with myself that I would normally do with my friends just because I asked: https://andrewjrose.substack.com/p/thought-confetti-3-project-management
I’ve never heard of the Ted Hughes letter until now (for those interested: https://news.lettersofnote.com/p/live-like-a-mighty-river). My God that last paragraph is powerful.
It sounds like you’re going to do it anyways. But I encourage you to let it rip. Your voltage will shock people awake like a defibrillator. The world needs people to come alive and unleash that which only they can create
I'm so excited for what lies ahead for you :)
I resonated with so much of this, it’s difficult to “comment” but I did copy something to my clipboard while reading and I don’t even remember what, so let’s see...
“I somehow overestimate and underestimate myself simultaneously in different dimensions, which suggests to me that my self-image is delightfully distorted through a funhouse-mirror of my fixations.”
That’s good shit. Reading your brain spilled out here makes me feel like I’m not completely lost. Oh, and I’m remembering the part where you said it’s healing on some level to go through the old projects... I think that’s right.
I also don’t let Michelle work with Michelle 🤣 I sometimes fantasize about cloning myself so I could be my own coach and/or business manager and/or hype woman. I would be unstoppable!!! Maybe I am already? Maybe you are already?